You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
