I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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