haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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