Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
