There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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