the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
