I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
