saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
