I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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