Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Terrible idea I love it
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
