Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
