how can u be prego again
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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