Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
