Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
