Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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