i think i have herpe
just one?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
