you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
