I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
