how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
