i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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