1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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