I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
