I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
