Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
4 words: hood of his car
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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