She's like a pop up book from hell.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just had sex on a roof
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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