I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
