She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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