The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
