You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
