Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I AM VODKA MAN
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
