I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
