If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize