I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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