I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
