at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
