I must be too annoying 4 u.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
