When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
