Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
