I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize