ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
