I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize