guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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