how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
