if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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