I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
