When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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