4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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