Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
