I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize