Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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