I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
