he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
