May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
