if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
