I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
