So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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