U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
