if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
