she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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