Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
