Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
