Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
