i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
