I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
