You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
