did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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