I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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