I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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