i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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