I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
