Reggie can tackle my bush.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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