life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
