glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
