Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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