We won't sleep together?
So drunk its hurt
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
