yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize