Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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