why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
