Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
