I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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