Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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