me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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