we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
