Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
