I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
