Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize