So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
