You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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