You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
