Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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