so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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