A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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