I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
