New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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