now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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