Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
