i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
