Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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