I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize