Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
