Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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