How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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