she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize