wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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