Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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