Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
