im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
