YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
kristin has been a bad kristin
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
