Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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