He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize