I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
