For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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