Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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