You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
