the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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