So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
