dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
