Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize