i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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