i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
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